Sunday, March 13, 2011

Broken Hearts Blogfest

Yay! My blogfest is here! I am so excited if you can't tell. I managed to make the first day, (13th) one of the busiest days within the two week time frame of last week and this week. So, I probably won't be commenting on entries until Monday, but I promise that by Tuesday night I should have commented on anyone who remembers to post an entry.


About My Blogfest:
Pretty simple to interpret. I considered going horror, or break up but figured the broken heart would be more open to interpretation and different genres. It can be flash fiction, poetry, non-fiction, anything except 5,000 words cause umm, that's a little too long and I probably won't comment on it. Shorter tends to be better for me when it comes to reading on the computer. Anyways, the basic idea is to write about a heart breaking or one that is already broken. Show us the wretched emotions, the anger, depression, fear, whatever happens after the happy honeymooon lovey-dove V-day stuff is over and all that is left is a broken heart.


The "Rules":
1. Sign up on the linky thing located below.
2. Try to sign up before the 15th, if possible.
3. Post your entry on your blog along with a link to the blogfest.
4. Try to keep entries below 1,000 words if possible.
5. Read other people's entries and leave comments.
6. Eat ice cream and chocolate to feel better... okay, you don't have to do that if you don't want to. ;-)


Check out all the entries:





The Story:
I considered writing a backstory piece for Cinder Story about Jack and why he is putting work first but with the busy weekend and everything, I've decided to do something pre-written that I revised instead. This is backstory at the moment for the Angel/Demon paranormal romance and is before Elijah becomes an angel.


My Entry:

"Why are you sick?"

Elijah looked into the sad eyes of his little sister and sighed. Sitting in the hospital room chair close to his bed she looked tiny. The past few years had been hard on them all. His family had to endure so much and he knew it was his fault.

Pushing up against the crunching white sheets, he winced as he tried to sit up a little more. The IV strung across his bed barely moved during his attempt. He had to choose his words carefully. "I did some not good things."

"What things?"

She was too young for him to tell her the whole truth. He had to find a different way to answer. After a few minutes of silent thought, Elijah found something more to say. "Do you remember when I was gone for a long time a few years ago?"

After she nodded, he continued. "Well, during that time I did some bad things, ones that go against God."

"Ohhh. But can't you ask God to forgive you?"

"I ask for his forgiveness every day."

"Will he ever forgive you and make you not sick?"

The questions hurt almost more than the truth of the situation. He hated being the one to explain this to her but their parents were having a hard enough time handling things and they probably thought it was better if she didn't know. But he continued to try and explain, to give her some answers at least. "It doesn't work that way. He forgives me for my sins but I still have to face the consequences. I just have to hope that the afterlife will be better."

The sound of high pitched crying made them stop. Their parents were out in the hallway talking with one of the doctors. It seemed the doctor didn't want to tell Elijah himself the bad news but he already knew. He could feel it.

After the sound of crying died down, Tessa spoke. "Are you going to die?"

He wanted to say no, to protect her but he knew it wouldn't do her much good. He couldn't shield her forever from the painful truth. "I might, but everyone does at some time or another."

"I don't want you to die." She jumped from the chair and onto his hospital bed, wrapping her arms around his neck. She was the only one that would get close to him anymore. Most people knew he wasn't contagious but that didn't stop them from being afraid. It came with the disease; the distance.

"I don't want to die either. But I can't stop it from happening." He had to hold back the tears. "I'm so sorry to put you through all this."

She didn't respond to his apology. Instead she looked him in the eyes, "Will you come back and visit me when you are in Heaven?"

"You think they will let me in Heaven?"

"Don't be silly. Of course they will let you in and you will be the prettiest angel there." She kept her arms around him.

"Thanks. Then, yes, I will visit you whenever I can."

"I want you to be my guardian angel."

He kissed the top of her head. "I'll see what I can do about that when I get there."

33 comments:

Margo Benson said...

Oh, I loved it! What a beautiful take on a broken heart - I felt that so keenly, great writing, Dawn.

Trisha said...

This was very sweet, and sad :( Nice writing indeed! Good job!

stu said...

This is very sweet and catches the difference between the two characters well.

Sophia Richardson said...

I loved his internal conflict here, his desire to protect his little sister and the knowledge that it would only be temporary. I love his simple honesty. This is a very sweet, sad scene.
- Sophia.

AllMyPosts said...

Wow, really cool!! (though it is little sadful)


the lines "He forgives me for my sins but I still have to face the consequences"

"I want you to be my guardian angel."


really caught my attention! cool.


with warm regards
http://arandomarticle.blogspot.com

Tanya Reimer said...

Very touching. Full of emotions. I love it and would like to read more.

Loralie Hall said...

This is so beautiful and sad and bittersweet. I'm glad you went this direction - it makes for a sharp but appropriate contrast on your own theme.

and thank you for hosting ^_^

Raquel Byrnes said...

Very touching...I feel so sad for them both. Different take.

Francine Howarth said...

Hi,

Powerful literary magic is the "loss-yet-to-come" theme. As a reader one knows it is imminent and there is no alternative but to read on and feel the impact as experienced by the characters. A very touching and heart-wrenching scene. ;)

best
F

Melissa Dean said...

This is going to be fun!

The Red Angel said...

Short and sweet--I loved this, Dawn! Thanks for hosting such a great blogfest, I had so much fun writing my piece :)

~TRA

http://xtheredangelx.blogspot.com

L'Aussie said...

Thanks for hosting this ripper blogfest Dawn. The entries have been so diverse. I've enjoyed reading so many. Yours is great. You've a great talent with dialogue. Love the ending...

Denise<3

Broken Hearts Blogfest Entry

Erin Kane Spock said...

Oh, my heart is breaking both for the little sister and for the dying young man. Her innocence and optimism, his need to forgive himself and accept that he's loved. It's really poignant. Excellent work.

Myne Whitman said...

Awww..you almost had me tearing up there. Good one..

Susan Kane said...

This is so close to everyone's heart. It is what is hoped after we leave this life--that we will be with God, and still have a view of our loved ones.
such a beautiful expression of love, and recognition of accountability.
Thank you, Dawn, for arranging this 'fest. It is amazing to read the posts.

sharongerlach said...

Oh, how sad! I like how he protected his little sister from the ugly realities of his life. Well done.

WritersBlockNZ said...

Awww poor Elijah! :( Great piece!

Mara Nash said...

Thanks for hosting the blogfest!

I loved the poignant feel to this, but I kind of wanted a little more info. I'm wondering at the insinuation about "bad things" and "disease" and sins and consequences. Maybe it's just my need to know, but not knowing got in the way of my experiencing the emotions fully. I just kept thinking, what did he do? what's he sick with? why would God judge him for it?

Of course, if it's part of a larger piece, those questions would presumably be answered. But overall, despite my obsessive need to have the answers (lol) I still felt the heartbreak you were shooting for. It's well written and very touching!

Heidi Windmiller said...

Thanks for hosting the blogfest--I've really enjoyed reading the entries.

This is a wonderfully unique twist on broken hearts. Very sweet--I'd love to see where it goes from here.

Tessa Conte said...

*sob*

OMG that was so sweet and sad and...well... heartbreaking! GREAT entry!!!!

(although I would have loved Cinders, too, obviously)

Sorry my own entry is late (it's up now)!!!! Thank you for hosting this cool fest... it was fun trying to find an appropriate scene. I hope mine is ok, lol.

ps. word verification: pawpacks = something a werewolf carries around??

T.xx

Mia Hayson said...

So sweeeet! I love the way this entry is about sibling love and not just romance.

Totes wants to make me know more about what he's donee and what will happen.

:D

Dawn Embers said...

Wow. Being sick yesterday meant I am way behind it commenting back. This is gonna take me a few comments to get everyone in. Thanks all for the kind words.

Margo - Thanks. This is one of the few edited blogfest entries. I wrote the original probably over a year ago.

Trisha - Glad you liked it. Not sure if it will end up in the book but it's a decent scene at least.

Stu - Thanks. Good that they don't sound the same. Little easier with a brother sister than some of my other pairings but still, always something to work on in writing.

Sophia - Why thank you. I'm glad you caught onto and enjoyed those elements of the story.

AllMyPosts - Sad is the nature of broken hearts and I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the compliment on the two lines in particular.

Tanya - Thanks. The book is very different in tone than this part but I do appreciate that it still gives the reader a feeling of wanting to continue reading.

Dawn Embers said...

Loralie - :-) Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. I considered romantic type but then remembered I had this already written. Hope it ends up in the novel but it's hard to tell at this point.

Raquel - thank you for the comment.

F - Nice catch. The loss is yet to come factor does have a strong influence on a reader if done right. The reader knows more than some of the characters but has to keep reading to see what happens exactly.

Melissa - Fun and sad, good combinations for a blogfest, or that was my hopes.

TRA - Why thank you. I'm enjoying this blogfest and all the wonderful entries.

Denise<3 - :-D Hi. Thanks for the comment. When I first started writing 5-ish years ago, before I even attempting novel length, I occasionally took part in an all dialogue challenge. It really did help. Now to work on descriptive writing.

Erin Kane - I'm glad you really appreciate the piece and thank you for your kind words. :-)

Jolene Perry said...

awww... love this.

I love how many DIFFERENT kinds of heartbreak people wrote.

F and M said...

I totally agree with Jolene Perry. I love the variety of posts in this blogfest. No two stories I have read so far have had a similar premise. I'm really looking forward to reading more pieces.

Alicia Gregoire said...

Oh my god, that was so sad. My eyes were tearing up as I read it.

Thanks for hosting this blogfest.

Dawn Embers said...

Myne - Almost eh, will have to work on that then. ;-)

Susan Kane - thanks for the wonderful comment. It's not always easy to write about this topic but I keep trying for the novel.

sharongerlach - The balance is hard sometimes but it's good to at least try and keep some innocence in life and beyond.

JJ - *waves hi* Thanks for commenting.

Mara Nash - Wow, thanks for the long comment. I understand what you are saying. Some readers will want to know more but he can't give those details to her. But they do somewhat get answered in the novel.

Heidi - I've enjoyed the stories in this blogfest as well. Thanks for the comment.

Tessa - :-) Thanks. And yours wasn't even late, so don't worry.

Mia - :-D Good to hear. I really need to work on the novel. I'm not sure where the part about how he died and became an angel will go but I'll figure it out.

Dawn Embers said...

Jolene - Thanks. It is fun to see the different kinds of stories people enter in blogfests for the given topic.

F and M - Indeed. I've been enjoying reading all the entries for those that posted.

Alicia - Thanks for the comments. It's always reassuring to know the story reached to the reader on an emotional level.

Kerrin said...

oh my, a sad sweet heartbreak! I love it. You have a really great talent!!

J.C. Martin said...

Very bittersweet! I loved it, and I can feel the love between brother and sister in their conversation.

Murees Dupé said...

Sorry I am getting to your entry so late but I thought it was brilliant. It definitaly tuggs on the heart strings and I found tears welling up in my eyes and I don't cry easily. I don't know what the brother did but I don't want him to die either. Brilliant scene. Thank you for sharing and hosting such an awesome blogfest.

tangynt said...

This one was very sweet. Well done.

Dawn Embers said...

Thanks all for the comments.

Kerrin - aww, you made me blush. :-)

JC Martin - Glad you liked it and the brother/sister factor came through.

Murees - That's okay. I love comments no matter when I receive them. I'm really glad people enjoyed the blogfest.

tangynt - Thanks.

Fun

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