Thursday, August 5, 2010

Change Blogfest



The Change Blogfest is held by Elizabeth Mueller in order to celebrate a change a friend is going through, Sangu. Check out the link to see the other entries in this blogfest.

The goal is to write about a change. It can be anything. The way the character changes at the end of the story, during the middle, from an argument or something like that. Or it can be a change like moving, graduating, getting a hair cut. There are so many different options available.

I went with a change the character is going to have to make. It's not a personal growth type of change but it connects well with the first entry where Jack announced his new job. Also, I had to skip a section in the middle because it was going to be too long but it helps to have the first bit of information before reading about the change request. It's also a first draft, as all the Cinder Story entries will be since I have other writing to focus on instead of editing and rewriting for every blogfest.

My entry of sorts from Cinder Story:

Jack pulled up to the towering home of his new boss. Parking his regular civic in the guest parking spot made him feel self conscious of how noticeable it was that it didn't belong there. Even the paint job seemed dingy in comparison to the shining, brand new convertibles and other nicer vehicles in the family member spots. Each of them had their own car and a personally decorated sign designating who the spot belonged to. Two of them sparkled in the sunlight from different glitters and fake gems with pink undertones so bright even he felt nauseated just looking at the color.

With a few minutes of deep breathing, he entered through a side door as he had been instructed to do. The layout of the house was easy to figure out from the notes he'd been given and soon he found his way to the home office of Daniel Mann, business tycoon extraordinaire.

The office was simple, designed to get work done with minimal distractions and yet it was intimidating. Mr. Mann stood when Jack entered, giving a curt greeting before indicating for him to sit in a chair located on the other side of the desk.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Mann." Jack shook his hand, keeping the grip strong while hoping it didn't come off as clammy.

"Please, call me Mr. Daniel. I like the sound of it more than the last name."

(Cut to get to the point for the blogfest. Job description stuff with questions and explanations. Jack is nervous but does his best to display confidence in his abilities to handle the tough job being laid out before him.)

"This here," Mr. Daniel opened a door, exposing a rather dull room with only a bed and a desk as furniture. "This is your room. If you have a big place right now, I'd suggest either moving or subletting it out for awhile because you'll need to be here 6 to 7 days a week with a few holiday exceptions. And those holidays aren't guaranteed."

"Okay." It was hard for Jack to keep the apprehension from his voice. He almost would rather have awoken at 4 am and came to the house than move to the barren room. But if that's what the job required he'd have to make the change no matter how he felt about it. The end result would be worth the hassle.

As if he could sense the trepidation, Mr. Daniel asked, "Is moving going to be a problem?"

Jack had to shake his head at once and try to make sure he wasn't sounding ungrateful or disinterested because that would hurt his overall evaluations. "No. It's no problem at all. I'm sure I can find something to do with my place while I'm here."

"Good." He nodded an acceptance of the answer and then continued with more instructions. "I'd prefer you didn't decorate, especially no nails in the walls. This is a home but also your work place, so try to keep it as professional as possible. I don't mind if you have casual clothes and in fact, if you enjoy working out then by all means have gym clothes here and use the home gym. Someone needs to get some use out of it and I don't have the time."

"Thank you." Jack watched Mr. Daniel, waiting for his cue to leave but instead was met with a serious gaze in return.

"To emphasize the professional, since that is such a broad term these days, I will add this." He said, his voice steady. "You're a man, and as a man I understand you may appreciate certain movies and magazines. I certainly wouldn't judge such but you need to keep anything you have that is of prurient interest somewhere else."

The undertone of the message was enough to bring a slight blush to Jack's face, and he couldn't help but dip his gaze to the floor as he responded. "I understand, Sir."

15 comments:

jcmartinfighterwriter said...

This was a great excerpt from your story! I found Mr Daniel so intimidating! And why Jack had to move into the small office/bedroom has piqued my interest. Well done!

Tessa Conte said...

Mr. Daniel.

Wow. And that dingy little bedroom/office? Major change. And he can't even decorate!

I'd really, really like to read the rest of your Cinders story, I'm really liking it so far. If you ever need a beta, give me a shout, PLEASE!!!

Catherine A. Winn said...

Good work! Check my blog, Dawn, I left an award for you :)

Sangu said...

Oooh, I love how you work with the interaction and dialogue here, it's so realistic and I really enjoyed it! :-)

Renae said...

I love this excerpt. Wonderful dialogue. Well done!

Dawn Embers said...

jcmartin - Thanks. :-D I'm glad I have your interest with the story.

Tessa - hehehe. Well, the two entries so far (this blogfest and milestone) are the only parts written. I'm really writing the novel scene by scene for blogfests and that's it. So, I'll keep you in mind for umm 5 years from now or so. lol

Catherine - aww, thanks.

Sangu - :-) Glad you like it. I try to keep my dialogue realistic but sometimes wonder if it's working.

Renae - Thank ya.

Angela M. said...

I'm jealous that Jack has better living conditions and mostly better hours than I do, LOL. You've done an excellent job--Mr. Daniel gives me the creeps.

Dawn Embers said...

Angela - Yikes. Wait to you meet the women he has to work for, since he's really an assistant for the man's wife, stepdaughters and daughter. Oh they will make his job difficult. lol


On a different note. Interesting how people are reacting to the boss. I hadn't intended that reaction so it's intriguing to me.

elizabeth mueller said...

Thank you for participating, Dawn! I really enjoyed the change Jack is experiencing. I'm curious what kind of life and adventure awaits him once he moves in.
I want more!!!

Have a great weekend! :)

Dawn Embers said...

Elizabeth - Why, thank you. It's been a great blogfest and I enjoyed writing for it. Could have written over 1,000 words for it, which is cool. Hope you have a good weekend too.

Ann Best said...

A good scene. The characters are well defined. I enjoyed reading this.

I'm glad I met you. I came over from Catherine Winn's blog.
Ann

Dawn Embers said...

Ann - Aww, thank you for the comment. I'm glad to meet you too and that you've found my humble little blog. :-)

Tessa Conte said...

Yes please do keep me in mind! ; P

Christine H said...

You did a great job with this. Well done!


Please stop by and check out my 100 Followers Contest. I'm announcing a new blogfest tomorrow, too!

Dawn Embers said...

Christine H. - Glad you liked it and I'll check out your contest. :-)

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