Lookie, another blogfest entry done on time. Yay me! This is going to be a fun one because the host is offering it as a competition with a prize for the one who wins. Check out www.dominicdemattos.blogspot.com for the other entries and later on to get a vote on who wins. Isn't the mouse cute?
(Page 99 blogfest entry is located below this one.)
About the blogfest:
"Post a passage in which your MC (or your favourite fictional character) shows their bravery. It might be in the face of physical danger, or peer pressure or personal sacrifice. It might be epic bravery or bravery that goes unnoticed by anyone but us, your devoted readers. "
This was tough to figure out because I'm not sure what counts as bravery in my writing. I'm sure there are plenty of times my characters are brave but either I wasn't sure or I couldn't show it since I have to limit certain novel's exposure on here. And sorry Tessa, I couldn't think of a bravery moment to write for Cinder Story, so you'll have to wait for another blogfest to read more about Jack. I went for the Angel/Demon novel instead going off my entry for the Bad Boy blogfest back in June 2010. Here's the link: bad boy blogfest entry. This time we're in the demon main character's point of view. Sorry if it's a little long. And it's definitely a first draft that does a whole lot of telling.
My Entry:
The coffee shop was busier than usual and Lucas was glad he shared the shift with Elijah because on his own it would have been a nightmare. Most of the customers were demons, which was fine for him but he wondered if his boyfriend noticed anything different about them. He was so innocent and good that Lucas imagined he had no clue exactly who they were serving. Not to mention when he confessed being a demon himself, Elijah had practically laughed at the idea and he certainly didn't believe him even though Lucas had been telling the truth.
One of the customers sitting at the front counter was an upper level demon, one who owned the dance club where Lucas had met Elijah. He was one they both liked because he had a hand in their meeting.
In fact, most seemed okay except for one customer. One demon went straight to a back table and sat there, as if he expected the workers to wait on him. That wasn't how things worked there and Lucas was content on letting him sit back until he figured out the ordering process but Elijah decided to go take his order.
"Make another pot of regular blend," Elijah asked him before taking a tray with an already filled cup of coffee over to the lazy customer.
"Okay." Lucas tried to focus on the task but as soon as it was done he found an excuse to clean the counter top near the donuts so he could keep an eye on the situation. Something just didn't feel right. A customer came up, so he had to focus on the order but the sound of a crash midway through the prep of a coffee cup made him snap his attention back.
He saw Elijah crouched on the floor, cleaning up a spill. It wasn't out of ordinary enough for Lucas to go help because he'd been told not to but he continued to wait for any reason to go. And that moment came.
As soon as the customer was gone with the hot cup of coffee, Lucas watched as Elijah set the mess on a nearby table after wiping down the floor. He paused for some off reason and the customer he had been serving stood up, moved over and grabbed his arm. That was all he could handle and without much thought, Lucas found himself across the room in a matter of seconds. Almost tripping, he soon stood next to Elijah, pushing the customer away.
The look on Elijah's face was hard to read. His eyes opened wide but his mouth is clamped shut in a frown.
Lucas stepped between the customer and Elijah, not caring that the demon pushed against the wall was glaring at him. He stood by his choice.
"That was a mistake," The demon said, oddly he was smiling. His eyes flickered with amusement but his voice darkened in tone. "Back off. This is none of your business."
It was apparent to Lucas that he was out of his league. Being a demon was one thing but almost everyone in the room had more abilities than a low messenger demon but he wasn't going to back down. "He is my business. You are the one who needs to leave, now."
18 comments:
:-( I'm sad you cut it short. I like this scene. And I think you nailed the bravery perfectly. You can really see how protective and loving Lucas is here.
Hi,
Touching sense of bravery here, but I'm going to be honest I don't read these kind of novels. Saying that, if it was lying around (open at page 99) and I had nothing else to hand reading wise then I'd read it. ;)
best
F
Loralie - Sorry. I got tired and wanted to enter today instead of being late cause I'm tired.
F - That's okay. Honestly, I haven't read any angel/demon novels. This one just kind of came to me, though the most of the novel sounds better than this. I appreciate the honesty. :-)
I truly enjoyed this excerpt. And fantasy is my cup of tea ... and this one was brewed just right. Great job, Roland
Love the conflict, just love it.
LOL shame it's not Cinders (thanks for thinking of me!!!) but this is GREAT too!!!
Love it, love the worry Lucas shows, how he watches out for his boyfriend.
Great scene, my dear!
T.x
Fantasy is not normally my thing but I really enjoyed this (perhaps I should read more fantasy?). A great scene!
No Fear logfest
Roland - Why thank you. I love how you worded that.
Angela - Thanks.
Tessa - :-D Glad you still liked it. Maybe one of these ones in february will be Cinders, though at least 3 won't be. Need better topics for blogfests that work. lol
Ellie - Glad you enjoyed it. There is a variety in fantasy, so the ones that are close to regular might work for you.
I have to agree with Loralie, I would have liked a bit more. I enjoyed you entry very much.
Michael
Lots of conflict and Lucas came to the rescue in a very brave way.
Nice story. As Dom said, bravery is about overcoming fear rather than the absence of it. Lucas had to overcome his fear to confront the Demon.
I could have read more, the bravery was touching and solid. Lovely emotion.
Hi Dawn
This was a great show of bravery.
You built the tension really well and the characterisation was distinct and convincing.
Well done and thanks for entering my blogfest. :)
:Dom
Gideon - Thanks. I had to get it done and didn't want to overdo it but glad people wanted to see more.
Myne - Thank you for the comment.
Tony - That is very true. I liked that quote because taking action in the face of danger is more about bravery than not having any fear at all.
Margo - Glad you enjoyed it.
Dom - Thanks for the blogfest. It was fun.
I think you built the tension - and introduced the conflict. The differences between the characters was clearly defined.
Lucas was very brave.
Elaine - thanks for commenting on my entry. I"m glad you liked it.
Hi Dawn! I'm glad for blogfests as we get exposed to all sorts of genres we don't usually reach for. I like a few angels/demons/vamps lurking around and I liked your snip. Lucas was indeed brave. Great entry for the 'fest.
L'Aussie - :-D Why thank you. Glad you liked it.
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