Friday, April 30, 2010

Last Line

It's here: The Last Line Blogfest

Check out the other entries at Lilah's Blog

Rules of the Blogfest: Entries do not have to be last lines only, it is understandable that a build-up may be necessary. I'd say that the previous 25 lines would be a reasonable length. It also does not matter if the last line is for a scene, chapter, or book, just as long as you wrote it.

This time. I'm not going to rant about the topic of last lines or go on and on about something I don't do well. So, no worries.  Will talk about the novel then give the last lines. But I will say this. Wow! I need to work on last lines. I searched almost every chapter I've ever written and am only posting this one because I think all of them suck. Yikes!


The Novel: Standing Ground

Background information: This isn't the end of the book, or even a chapter. When I first wrote it, however, it was an ending for a section of a story. I did a small portion of the novel for 14-7-1 contest, which involved 14 days with 7 prompts and 1 story. So, this was the last line of one of the prompts. It's a section after the dreams sequences that will be posted later this month. And it could be the end of a page at least, never know. It sounds like an ending.
Dominic's mutation is that he has prophetic dreams, but they are all in symbols so it's not very convenient, and it makes him sleep more than most people. Noah was sleeping, but Dominic woke him up to help interpret a set of dreams.

Oh and, umm.. yeah. It's a first draft with minor edit. I don't like the "eyes showing concern" part, and it'll be fixed in rewrite. Promise.

Last Line Blogfest Entry:


After several minutes, Noah formed a set of neat piles around him and he focused on three different pages within his hands. He'd gotten a few out from past interpretation attempts, but most of the pages were new.

"What do you think?" Dominic reached an arm out in a stretch before putting his pencil down. He looked at Noah, his eyes showing concern and interest.

The remnants of his dream, the racing and the strange hyper woman's words echoed within his mind. Feeling numb, a darkened sense of urgency seeped through his body. He could almost taste the dread on his tongue as he gave a response. "We're running out of time."

25 comments:

Susan Fields said...

Ooh - intriguing! I love the concept of the prophetic dreams needing interpretation. Sounds fascinating!

Christine Danek said...

I love this. Great job! I want to read more.

Amie McCracken said...

Definitely feels like an ending. I like the idea of prophetic dreams. Ever seen the movie Push?

bryan sabol said...

Very good visuals! My only tweak suggestion is to simplify. If you reduce "Feeling numb, a darkened sense of urgency seeped through his body." to "A sense of urgency seeped through his body." carries more weight.

And of course, fabulous last line: "We're running out of time."

sarahjayne smythe said...

That is a great last line. Makes me want to know what's going on.

Kristie Cook said...

I, too, like the idea of prophetic dreams needing interpretation. I've seen your #wipfires but never got that out of them. Can't wait to read more of this. Nice job, especially for a first draft.

Elaine AM Smith said...

I liked the premise and the final line cuts right to the heart of their problem. Well done.

Catherine A. Winn said...

Super last line. Why are they running out of time? What's going to happen? good, good, good

Dawn Embers said...

Thanks everyone for the comments. Nice to have positive feed back after taking at least 3 hours to pick, edit, repick and then edit again to get something to post.

Amie - I have seen Push. And the X-Men movies. Push was an interesting movie with mutations, different but I did like it.

I have done dream interpretation myself, and am glad people like that element of the character's abilities. Don't want to make things too easy on the characters.

Kristie - Yeah. I haven't done wipfire in awhile and most this novel was written in March. I also have 3 other novels, some in different genres, so I post random things depending what I'm working on at the time. I should try doing more during #MayNo. It's a different novel, a rewrite, but with genetic mutations too.

Again. Thanks everyone.

Iapetus999 said...

I want to know more about "strange hyper woman." Sound like some kind of superhero!
Would like to hear more about the symbols he sees.
Interesting scenario. :)

Lynn said...

That last line really works for this piece!

Mia said...

I really liked "He could almost taste the dread on his tongue" and the impact that last line has. Excellent :~)

Dawn Embers said...

lapetus999 - Well, I used to call the novel Hero, since I couldn't think of anything better. The dream with the woman will be posted on this blog for the dream sequence blogfest, June 4th.

Thanks Lynn and Mia. :-D

Eric W. Trant said...

Setting the clock! Wonderful! That tic-toc keeps em turning pages, no doubt about it.

Brown does this. It's not just his research that puts him on top -- he also understands the sense of urgency to a story.

Badabing.

- Eric

SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

I also really liked the line "He could almost taste the dread on his tongue" Some great visuals here. I am intrigued :)

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Very tense!! I don't know about your others, but these last lines are AWESOME! Seriously. :-)

Lilah Pierce said...

Awesome ending! That was great! Thanks so much for participating!

Raquel Byrnes said...

Wow, you took so little time to convey an urgency, a mystery, and a conflict...great job.

VR Barkowski said...

Outstanding last line. Well done. I'm intrigued and want to know more.

Dawn Embers said...

More thanks. :-D Wow, this is either at the top or near with number of comments on a blog post.

Eric - I've never read Brown's books. Or many others, but a sense of urgency is often a good thing to keep reader's interested.

Thanks all. I'm glad the line about the taste works for other people. I like it but half the time what I like doesn't even make sense to other people. So, a little reassurance is nice to get. :-D

Donna Hole said...

Oh yeah; that does it for me. I'm intrigued. This was just intense enough, the pacing was good. I also got a sense of the characters and their motivations.

"He could almost taste the dread on his tongue . ." Great line also.

A good teaser.

........dhole

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Very nice! 'He could almost taste the dread on his tongue" - very poignant.

Dawn Embers said...

Thanks again, everyone.

rachelbateman said...

Ohhhh...I so want to read more of this! I am very intrigued by this concept and want to know what he got out of the dream and what happens when they run out of time.

Great job!

If you are not blogfested out already, I am hosting one:

http://rachelbateman.com/2010/05/two-for-tuesday-bloginfestation/

Nishant said...

I love this. Great job! I want to read more.
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