Monday, October 25, 2010

Never-Ending Blogfest, aka Cliffhanger

This is a pretty cool blogfest, not only for the topic but also the prize. Sure, I don't enter blogfests with the purpose of trying to win something but it's hard not to mention how cool it was that the host has a prize C.A Marshall (whom people should follow her blog too). Check out the blogpost about the blogfest for more details at Brenda Drake's blog.



The Blogfest Details
Post a scene that is 500 words or less, which has a "rocking cliffhanger." Any genre is allowed. Just has to leave the reader hanging (wanting more). They have to be posted on the 25th, by 8am eastern.

My Story
Yep. For those that have had to suffer through the past couple of blogfests I've written scenes for can breathe a sigh of relief. I'm posting something from Cinder Story for this one.

Entry (491 words)


The freezing cold air existed in sweet relief, contrasting to the stiff, overheated existence of the stuffy elitist people in the somewhat crowded ballroom where Jack had spent the last two hours trying not to pull at his uncomfortable black tuxedo and bow tie. Feeling out of place had long ago become a normal existence for the evening and all he could do was hope the night would end soon because being out at an event with his boss' wife had received enough gossip to cause some discomfort.

"There you are." Mrs. Mann appeared on the balcony, small sections of her dress not clinging to her body fluttered in the light breeze. "Would hate for people to think my date had left me or found someone else." She laughed before putting her hand on his arm. "I need to showcase you a little more, and then we can leave. First to leave is tacky but last to leave is terribly undesired."

"Yes, ma'am." Jack nodded and then bit his lip. He forgot again. "I mean, Corinne." He allowed himself to be led back to the uncomfortable evening with a few drinks to blur the edge of discomfort of dealing with women he didn't know.

Things went smooth, with the gossip remaining based off mere assumptions, until the last moments of the night. Jack kept his hands to himself and did the expected acts of a gentlemen, receiving only the expected looks of intrigue as people tried to figure out his connection to Corrine. Leaving after a long goodnight to the hostess, Jack kept his professional approach up to the very end, even walking her to her bedroom.

"Such a sweet gentleman, you are," Corrine laughed, a warm blush still existing in her face from drinking champagne. "I thank you, sir, for escorting me tonight." All of a sudden, she grabbed Jack by the collar of his rented tux and pulled him in, planting her enhanced lips onto his for a brief second before letting him go. Then she went into the master bedroom, shutting the double doors behind her.

It took Jack a few seconds of constant blinking to recover. Unable to do anything about the incident, he stumbled down to his small room to crash onto his bed with the hope of nothing bad coming from the awkward night he'd been subjected to in the name of keeping his job.

The next morning arrived with the memory of the night combined with a dull ache that existed within his temples. A loud knocking didn't help the pain either. Stumbling out of bed, he made sure he was relieved to have fallen asleep in pants and a worn t-shirt, so he could answer the door in a timely fashion and not indecent. His boss stood at the door, already dressed in a business suit.

He entered the room, not waiting for Jack to offer, as he said, "We need to talk."

32 comments:

Cheree said...

This was a good read. The line "we need to talk" is definitely a good cliff hanger, it captures the readers attention and makes them want more.

Jamie said...

Nice job. I like the "we need to talk" line, too. Makes me think Jack did something he shouldn't have the night before!

Bree said...

Lots of great visuals here. And I agree with the two above me, the last line is great. It hooked me!

Good luck!

Shallee said...

Interesting setting and scene. Thanks for sharing!

Justin W. Parente said...

Hi Dawn!

Thanks for sharing this. A piece of advice is to break down that first paragraph into shorter terms. It's two very long sentences. That stuck out immediately. You also have some long sentence P4 also.

Just try to pare down those passages.

Best,

J.W. Parente
In My Write Mind

DominicSFF said...

Good job Dawn! Inspired last line!

Marieke said...

Loved that last line! Very nice cliffhanger! :)

Dawn Embers said...

Thanks everyone. The first line is commonly used but I figured this was a good approach to the line and glad people like it.

J.W. Thanks. I struggled with those lines but had to get it done in time. But when I got back and collect the Cinder entries, I'll make sure to fix the sentences.

Jodi Henry said...

Good cliffhaner. Loved how uncomfortable Jack was at the party. Nice tension too.

J

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Interesting read. Definitely an "uh oh" ending.

JEFritz said...

Nice writing and description. The scene is very vivid, and I'd like to know what it is they need to talk about.

Dawn Embers said...

ooo, some more comments!

Thanks. I'm glad the discomfort came through for you, J. And it's definitely and uh oh moment... or is it? hehehe

Francine said...

Hi,

Poor Jack - his worst nightmare evening by the sounds of it.

And, wouldn't you know it "hell knocking on the door" first thing! Nice one, great cliffhanger. ;)

best
F

Christopher S. Ledbetter said...

Nice job. Hmmm, whatever does the boss want to talk about. I wonder. Nice cliffhanger.

Gale Martin said...

You have a great never-ending scene cliffhanger ending. Good read, well-written scene. I'd love to know if this is part of a larger work.

Rachael Harrie said...

Good cliffhanger, I enjoyed reading this!

Rach

E. Arroyo said...

Great read. I think someone's in trouble.

Dawn Embers said...

Thanks again, for the comments people.

Gale - Yes, this is a longer story. I picked a novel a little while ago to use during most blogfests. So, I'm writing Cinder Story through blogfest entries.

Jessie said...

poor Jack! You did a nice job of painting his discomfort, and the last line is a great cliffhanger!

Jennifer Hoffine said...

Oh no! "We need to talk?" Not something you want to hear from your boss while still in your night clothes. Thanks for sharing!

Jennie Bailey said...

Nice cliffhanger with so many possibilities! Great entry!

gideon 86 said...

The last line says it all. A cliffhanger. What's next?


Michael D.

Brenda Drake said...

Thanks for participating! We've judged your entry. o/\o *high five*

Dawn Embers said...

Glad this one is so well received.

Brenda Drake - Thank you for hosting the blogfest. It was fun to participate.

Summer Ross said...

Uh oh! I think Jacks in trouble! Great scene!

J.C. Martin said...

Uh-oh..."we need to talk" is always such an ominous line, even more so when it's coming from your boss!

Mary Jo said...

oh, snap! Tough morning after for Jack who had a tough night before too! Great way to end this cliffhnger

Raquel Byrnes said...

I wonder what happens in that conversation! This was interesting...not an action scene. Nice post!
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Dawn Embers said...

Thanks everyone.

Raquel - yeah, i tend to not write a lot in the way of action. I do some but prefer to have tension from other reasons.

Mary Jo - hehehe. Nice reaction. ;-)

WritersBlockNZ said...

Eek! Looks like Jack's in trouble ;-)

Great job!

Donna Hole said...

I've been at my job for five years - no hanky-panky anywhere near in sight - and when the boss says "come in, close the door", I seat bullets. Still.

Poor Jack. I hope he don't get fired. Or worse, have to escort the wife for a week or more. . .

......dhole

Dawn Embers said...

:-D

Donna - interesting idea. Don't worry, Jack can't get fired yet cause this is before he meets Prince.

Fun

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